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Apr. 28th, 2011


(no subject)

I've started my new job. I think it is good.

Nov. 6th, 2010


(no subject)

I've had several friends leave Chicago in the past few months. Catherine moved to California in August. Allan and Megan are moving to Seattle and we said farewell to them last night. And Arielle had her last day at work a week ago, and will be leaving Chicago to go to law school. Plus all the people who are getting laid off from work, people I have interacted with for the past five years.

When I was a kid I moved around a lot. Texas, Conneticut, Florida, Tennessee, Washington and Michigan in the span of 12 years. So I said goodbye a lot, was the new kid a lot. I wonder how that childhood has affected my feelings about goodbyes now. And not just goodbyes, but my level of emotional intimacy with people in general. It takes a long time for me to be able to express my love for someone. Or my anger etc. I feel strongly for my friends, but I am not very comfortable about showing it. I know that I honestly have nothing to lose by telling my friends that I love them, or that I have a bone to pick, or that I will miss them etc. But in the moment of goodbye, more often than not, I just hug them and say "happy trails".

And more often than not, in the days leading up to and at the moment of goodbye, I am not feeling much of a sense of loss. I don't honestly know if this is because some part of me shuts down in self defense, or if I have learned from an early age that people pass in and out of our lives for periods of time, and I am grateful for that time, but then move on. the latter feels more true to me, though it has hurt more than a few friends over the years who can't understand why I don't do a better job of staying in touch.

I certainly miss people who have passed out of my life. I miss Catherine and Arielle, and I know I will miss Megan and Allan. I am pretty sure Jess and Chris and Ollie will move to the west coast at some point, and that will really leave a gaping hole in my life. But I think, overall, I am happy for the experiences of my childhood, and the lesson to learn is to enjoy to the fullest the time I do have with friends, and to embrace the moment of goodbye whenever possible, and say the words that are often difficult. I love you. I will miss you. You have made my life richer.


Jul. 21st, 2010


(no subject)

Wow, the summer is flying by. It feels like I just updated my blog, but that was more than a month ago. The summer lull at work continues, but I will have a new boss and new direction soon, so I continue to ride it out.

Here are 20 small things I have been thankful for pretty much every day lately:

French pressed coffee
A hot shower
Morning public radio
Kissing my husband goodbye
Hearing birds on my walk to work
Being able to read
Being able to listen to music
Being able to enjoy singing
Summer cooking
Summer eating
The farmers market
Rain storms
The sound of crickets in the evening trees
Our cats
Kissing my husband goodnight (and the rest of the time too)
Peanut butter
Being surrounded by creative, funny, smart people all the time.
Feeling lucky to be alive, right now, today.

Apr. 12th, 2010


(no subject)

I'm at the AFP (Association of Fundraising Professionals) in Baltimore at the moment, and it is has been a very positive experience so far. I more than anything feel inspired, and am reminded of the fact that as a fundraiser I have the privilege of helping to make the world a better place. Learning how to tell the story and make use of the tools and communication mechanisms that are available is important, but knowing that I have the opportunity to help people change the world in a way that is meaningful for them is something really special. And I don't think about that often enough.

I also got to hear Lee Woodruf and Peter Thum speak, and tomorrow, Desmond Tutu!

Mar. 18th, 2010


(no subject)

I had the most incredible dream last night of being underwater. the water was incredibly clear and filtered with sunlight. there was colorful coral and fish and i kept diving way down to look at things and then effortlessly swimming back to the top for air. except that i was kind of breathing underwater too, because...dream. it was peaceful and beautiful and I want to go there.

Feb. 18th, 2010

fruity oaty!

(no subject)

Our new kitties are their most cuddly in the morning. Simon plops down at my feet pretty much wherever I am standing, and while i am eating breakfast, usually watching Colbert, he cuddles up to me and purrs like crazy. Sometimes lily joins in, and it is a huge warm cuddlefest that makes it hard for me to get up and get to work. I am deep in midwinter hibernation, where laying round with the cats reading or watching old episodes of Angel sounds like the most perfect pass time.

Things are going to get really busy in the next few weeks. We are seeing plays and I am volunteering at the Greater Chicago Food Depository. I have 4 evening events at work in March and 2 in April. We are going to Detroit to visit Jon's family. I have my chorus tech week and concerts, and I start a several weeks of Blue Man shows on March 21st. I'm going to Baltimore for a conference in early April and we are going to two rock shows and I am running my first 5k. Then a week in Florida to see my parents and vacation. All before May 1st.

But for now, I hibernate.

Feb. 3rd, 2010


LOST Haiku. Kinda spoiler-y, but not really.

The final season
Two universes, perhaps?
Either way, Jack sucks

There’s other Others
The smoke monster found a loophole
Hurley is lucky

Um, subtitles, please
Nothing is irreversible
Sayid vs. Locke!!

My brain went mushy
The more Lockes the merrier!
Welcome aboard, fools.

Thank you http://littlejunkies.wordpress.com/

Nov. 12th, 2009


(no subject)

We had to put our cat Oscar to sleep tonight. It sucked a really whole lot. He went from looking a little under the weather this morning to yeowling in extreme pain when Jon took him to the animal ER at 6:45 this evening. He had respiratory distress, serious pain in his pancreas area, his heart was kind of out of place, and there was a weird mass in his lung that was not there in september. The very nice (really, I am not kidding) doctor was not sure he would survive through the night, and if he did he would have to be moved to a daytime facility. We decided that his continuing to suffer was not worth it. The day I had known was coming for the last 3 years had arrived.

We got to spend as much time with him as we wanted. He was pretty out of it, on pain medication and sedation and an IV of liquids. But he did look at us and respond slightly to our voices and gentle petting. we said our final goodbyes and they took him a way for what we were told was a painless death. it was absolutely terrible. thank god jon and i were together.

we came home and cleaned up the vomit and other mess, took this water fountain and litter box and old scratching post down to the dumpster. we washed the sheets and the kitty bed and kept that and the new scratching post. but we put those things out of site for now.

we are very very sad and in shock. and i have a headache.

Oct. 10th, 2009


bullet points of random

* For what felt like most of the night last night, I dreamed about post apolocyptic crazy scary survival. Lots of hiding in empty buildings and killing people and guns and trying to be very very quiet. And that morphed into being in prison with some of my co-workers. and I think there was also a separate dream about renovating my kitchen. pretty crazy.

* TV: Dollhouse keeps wanting to be good, but then some contractual obligation to make every episode about echo screws it up. i think it would work so much better as more of an ensemble show. i wanted it to keep bing about victor last night, it was going so well! and the same way i wanted to see more amy acker, i will now want to see more summer glau. my comic book guy has given up on the show altogether, which is saying a lot. Other TV: I have enjoyed Modern Family and Madmen continues to be awesome, best thing I am watching right now.

* We have taken a few financial hits over the last several weeks, but are slowly recovering. Priorities are to get some repairs around the house done, get holiday travel and gifts paid for, and then build savings back up to the comfortable minimum. We are still credit card free, I hope I am not jinxing us by writing that down.

*It's a cold but pretty fall day outside, and I think I will go for a run shortly. I had one of my best runs ever on Thursday, and I feel almost prepared for the 5k on November 1.

*Jon's been sick all week, but is slowly getting better. Poor guy is coughing and has kind of lost his voice.

* dunno what else. i feel some combination of calm. grateful, and slightly anxious.

Sep. 13th, 2009


(no subject)

i am restless and bored and i feel like an ass for spraining my ankle, and i feel like a slug because i can't move and i am now ner vous about this talk I have to give tomorrow, even though it is absolutely no big deal. yuck.

what will help? i guess i could do some yoga and upper body exercise. take a shower. make dinner. ok. bleh.

on the upside, U2 was fantastic last night.

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